7-8 September 1938

[Sept 7]

In the morning N laughs again – I ask him what he is laughing at – He says foolishly he heard a woman say to a stewardess – Where is my boy [.] he laughs because they hope to have “boys” wherever they go – He goes out to swot in the library – Mahtu [sic: T.C. Mehta] comes in – breakfast [.] N is silent, W [Watson] asks him why – I try draw conversation - Watson asks me the capital towns of the Provinces of the Union – I say wrongly Durban is capital of Natal.  He [presume N] corrects me [,] I tell him it does not matter - He says it matters + I tell him I was not speaking to him.  He keeps quiet and goes away.  I ask Watson what he thinks of him – He is mad.

Watson & I go to the lower deck as he does not like the upper with the [illegible] crowd of whites.  We go along past the engineer’s cabins [.] Someone tells us we make noise – Watson looks on at deck tennis – We go up Smoking room and play bridge - The band plays.

Dinner and after [,] wander about & go to cabin [.]  Mahtu [Mehta] comes in and tells me N is strange because when he asked him where to find me he said “in the cabin, I don’t know.”  I told Mahtu [Mehta] N is a fool and that I was getting sick of him [.]  Mahtu [Mehta] restless – he wants to do something and he feels thwarted [.]  The other fellows do not support him his opinion – Poor Methu [Mehta], he does not understand - I put to him the position (as he believes I am impartial).  The white man in SA has to keep up a false appearance to bluff his way into secured economic positions - The Naidoos aware of this and want to avoid nasty incidents but Mahtu [Mehta] believes in the humanity of man and thinks we should “mix up” and understand one another - He despises the Naidoos [,] they drink beer when whites out of the way and virtually apologise for existence – I tell Mahtu [Mehta] his outlook is idealistic and something to fight for [.]  I ask if he is strong enough to fight and stand insults and snubs.  He thinks so - He says he is glad for my explanation and still does not understand why the Naidoos jeer when he makes blunders at Table — They should be brotherly — He speaks well of Toolie Gool [sic: Goolam Gool] for being good & encouraging (Durban to Cape Town) — I made example of Watson — A huge hulking mass of reality in the midst of a crazy illusion of white self-deception — a veritable White heaven — reduction to absurdity — open honest unpretending. As contrasted with N.

He [,] Mathu [Mehta] [,] says my remarks are helpful & mentions his difference as good example of conditions among Natal Indians.  Two Congresses.  One section in crust of inactivity [,] another progressive [.]  He suggests introducing me to Editor of Indian Lens who will be his Mentor in London [.]  I promise to write him in Paris & the holidays.   

We go down deck and Mahtu [Mehta] asks for bats [,] deck tennis [,] told will be ready at 4.

He says he thinks N is queer because of taunts of N. & that I shd [sic: should] give him 4 days to befriend N –

I tell him I dislike the Steward in his cabin [,] an elderly crook who wishes to perpetuate & exploit the physical differences of the colonial peoples of the Empire for aggrandisement of old England — I show him how the steward [illegible] he is talking to the group as if it an understood method to overlook the African [.]  Hoping to plague me + please the Indians — a mean trick but overworked —

We go up & find Watson in Smoking room.  He is reading with Specs [sic: spectacles or reading glasses] – The Oath and the Blessing by ---------.  I go down for my French.  I return and through windows we see a cargo boat to the port side - & we are excited – People stand up and look - I see my white friend [,] he winks at me & I notice he has a wife and a child.  We read until supper.  Announcement of whist[1] drive – after supper Mahtu [Mehta] asks me to go to upper deck to see the men again [.]  He tells me the Steward at his table got ₤9 a month with tips – that it was not very bad after all as he had been worried.

[/P] We don’t go far as I am unwilling to visit the first Class area of deck - So we stand by and Mahtu [Mehta] is anxious to do something.  We meet the 3 and sit on deck chairs - A group of 4 men come to us and wish to know who the Naidoos are - SV Naidoo speaks up and the tall man [,] as member of the Sports + Entertainment Committee [,] explains that as there are too [illegible] SAF [sic: South Africans] on board [,] it would not be wise to have Indians participating in the Whist drive.  SV at once says it did not matter [,] they wd [sic: would] withdraw & Abr [Abraham] badges in with affected casualness and mentions that after all [,] quite some of us did not know bridge – (Pointing at me) [.]  He plays only Casino [.]  D. Naidoo joins by remarking that he thought there been a different type aboard to the usual SA, even in SA there were various types & some there who wd [sic: would] not mind.

The [sic: They said something about Rhodesians [Rhodesia is now known as Zimbabwe] & SA whites objecting.  Abr [Abraham] insisted – The man then suggested getting off something amongst ourselves and left.

At once D Naidoo pounces upon SV for withdrawing so despicably - It was not so much playing a game of bridge as for upholding a principle.  By writing down names they were aware of possible reactions - they did not give into the idea of the inequalities [,] they have not in SA, but in mid Atlantic & a British boat - SV says he wanted to cut short any arguments & Abr [Abraham] supported him.  Mahtu [Mehta] is excited and I am glad that my theories are being proved in actual practice.  He looks brighter and happier and supports D Naidoo very brilliantly.  I point out to Abr [Abraham] that their position cannot be justified that I [,] too [,] blundered in the Madame incident.  They too had blundered [,] why not swallow it - Abr [Abraham] says alright with bad grace - I point out that this was a [illegible] case of the large wholesale betrayals which have cost the Africans so much at home – That we [,] abroad [,] are representatives of our racial group of Non Europeans and we ought to have thrown the onus of the unpleasantness of the bridge incident on these white men.  D Naidoo in correct position & he [illegible] that man – We have to defend the little that is left the white man has taken (at its) almost everything – Abr [Abraham] thinks at first it does not matter but afterwards sees the point - I say as things stand a nasty incident may burst forth and that we must be certain of our attitudes - I suggest 100% the whites – they object it wd [sic: would] be unnatural - D Naidoo is heated [,] United front etc etc [,] he talks at length of Zulu customs and legal systems & system of succession to chieftainship - I mention the futility of South Afr. gov. [sic: South African government] attempts to reestablish tribalism to avoid the proletaranisation of Bantu[2]  -  Dr Van Warmelo [Dr N.J. van Warmelo] – my detest of anthropologists.  

There is singing in the smoking-room [.]  Abr [Abraham] whistles the same tune – I tell him to “mix up” and get done with it – N passes & I mention the strangeness of student of race relations not interested in the situation on board [.]  D Naidoo [illegible] with Indian students set books.

We go down to cabins.  I find N read a map of London – I tell him of the bridge incident to spite him - He looks helpless and remarks why did they try to push themselves on the whites.

I sleep -

Sept 10 [it is likely this is mis-dated and that it is Sept 8]

[/P] I get up + shave – Not a word from N.

I find them on deck after breakfast.  W [Watson], Mahtu [sic: T.C. Mehta] + 3.  Watson abraids me for deserting him at the Smoking room concert [.] He felt awkward + unhappy with askance looks [.] They have sat in front of [illegible] & D Naidoo speaks of a place in the sun for the African.

I see my friend (white) with wife & child + SV remarks they are a fine set of people - He says he wd [sic: would] to play with the chd [sic: child] – I say it wd [sic: would] make things a bit awkward for parents – I tell him of my talk with the man – He is impressed -

SV wonders what the race relations wd [sic: would] be after a hundred years - D Naidoo says for one thing there will be no religion — Japan-China war a beginning of domination of black races — I object to that as rank Nazism — and a seesaw leading to no solution — I tell Naidoo he is narrow nationalist - I tell him he knows more about the African Zulu by accident of opportunity — I lived my days in Reef Slums [,] my mother & father only blood relations — detribalized [,] if you like [,] but to me it did not matter — I study the past in relation to the solution of problems of today — That was enough for me — Watson objects [,] he says he believes I am more intelligent than that — a man has to know his culture — then I point out that the same argument held by Whites on board [,] today every race holds up its purity — Study of anthropology a craze — differences delved for to justify the possession and keeping of economic benefits by one race simply because it is diff. [sic: different] from the oppressed races — I tell them I am joking.

We study [illegible] from Watson [,] he laughs outright at Abr [Abraham] attempts. tea and the band.

I go down and for dinner N cackles again and I ask him what he is laughing at.  [illegible] saves the situation and says he is tickled at our jokes – To me the man is just crazy –

After dinner I go to my cabin and write - Mahtu [Mehta] knocks and comes in [.]  He says I frighten him with my COME IN as if I am angry – He says he was glad the Naidoos put in their names for bridge last night but not for the weakened retreat - They expected a reaction they ought to have been prepared for it.  In comes Abraham and pulls off his coat and makes himself at home - He poses in a boxer’s position and says he took up boxing for purposes of self defence – I tell him of my unhappy experience with Scolly [sic: scollie[3]] boys at Cape Town.  He thinks Scollies jolly good fellows only hard put to life - They hardly expected to get a few odds pennies from their more fortunate fellows now & then became violent when they were made to feel the scum - The struggle of the Scolly in education – G Gool [Goolam Gool] + Abduraman [sic: Abdullah Abdurahman] switched to Alexandra in election (Jews Socialist for their own purposes in S Africa [illegible words])

The Indians and the United front – Indians depend on money & bribes to snatch a few advantages [.]  The Coloured were uniting in Cape Town – Liberation League [sic: National Liberation League] – La Gama [sic: James Arnold La Guma] – Secretary, fine fellow - He would not join yet – Jumping into things before weighing + considering

[note in margin:] to ease Watson mind -

Mahtu [Mehta] wants to know what Banya[4] were doing to help the cause of the people in Cape Town.  Abr [Abraham] mimics – at reception of Agent General – My heart (heckle) Ladies and Gentlemen.  My heart is very happy (heckle, heckle) I have much pleasure in introducing the agent general – Sits down [.]  I think the mimicry is very good - Speaks of the unity of Coloured folk and support of Scollies – Abduraman [Abdullah Abdurahman] + Mrs Gool + --------, on same platform – Indian disunity casts [sic: castes] etc – Naidoos call me Adam Kok [Adam Kok III][5] etc.

[note in margin:] the silence in the cabin spooky + unearthly

N [,] a queer chap with MA [,] wants respect and feeling of importance – eats as if following lessons on table etiquette – I mention my objection to N – the Menu incident – Mahtu [Mehta] says he feels N shd [sic: should] sit with us more and give us some of his opinions – I say N must have crammed his way through to degree like a monkey – Mahtu [Mehta] [illegible] Abr [Abraham] jabbers - & SV comes into cabin and talks to N through the open door & we realise to our horror N was standing just outside eavesdropping - Abr [Abraham] is confused [,] gos [sic: goes] out and asks N to come in [,] says we have been talking about him and about the other chaps [.]  he says he will be sorry if N is hurt.  N laughs foolishly – Mahtu [Mehta] goes out too and tries to explain to N what we were saying – I am just amused and same time I am glad he heard what we think of him – SVN [SV Naidoo] demurs & says we had no right to talk about a man in his absence [.]  I don’t agree with him - N says he was standing out there waiting for Steward but queer to my mind — Steward appears & talks of objection of SA woman to being served at tea-time after a nigger & she has reported to the purser.

He goes out and Mahtu [Mehta] follows him to smoking room — After a ½ hour Mathu [Mehta] comes in and looks dishevelled and agitated - “That fellow is cold and mean [,] I tried to show him he is wrong in keeping to his books — We a handful of Non Europeans shd [sic: should] do the best to get on happily together — Watson was there.” What authority have you to come to me?” I have every right you are one of us — I spoke warmly to him but he was cold and heartless — Mahtu [Mehta] is beaten and less than 2 days!

Both go to Watson and W [Watson] thinks we shd [sic: should] not have spoken of man in his absence especially unpleasantly — He suggests a meeting of us non Europeans — I tell him I have not done wrong - & not prepared to apologise — Just then my white friend appears at cabin door with handful of pamphlets — The Literary digest and maps of London — He recommends an article All Black — Watson is thank-ful and W. [sic: white] man goes

Dinner at table not much speech – I ask the Waiter if I can keep one of the menu cards [.]  Watson is hard put to it to know what the words mean in menu card

Mahtu [Mehta] comes in India cabin to find out if we shall go to concert – I agree & I refer to N incident & that I shall not apologise [.] Then talk of Xtian [sic: Christian] hypocrisy Wood’s letter.  Watson tells of [illegible] Native on visit to Basle [,] prays before food & we laughed to [illegible].

We walk up to Smoking R [sic: room] to the African corner and these whites with Nazi mentality understand + never occupy the space — We sit and Watson makes himself comfortable and stretches his legs out on the settee & I look at the scowls of the Europeans in the room — I pick up a book Stage Coach Dust by Klein [Harry Klein, “Sage-Coach Dust”, 1937] and read for a time [.]  I see through the windows N speaking in a high pitched voice to 3.  It sickens me to see him talking like that — He becomes more a worm — He comes in & sits for a bit and asks me to give him the book [.]  I pretend I did not know it was his and apologise profusely — I mean to be sarcastic.

D. Naidoo asks me to join them on deck – there is a concert in the Smoking-room but we stay outside - The man with cackle in in his element – Sarie Marais the theme song to remind them of SA [sic: South Africa] I suppose - Outside on deck sit the older women and look nauseatingly complaisance [.]  One of the officers is conversing with them and I see a light in the eye of one which tells of repressed romances of cheap novels –

D Naidoo does] a card trick [,] we (Mahtu [Mehta] & I) wander away to the forepart of the boat and see the men play their band – Somehow Mahtu [Mehta] is still unhappy - we stand and look - the band consists of three - vigorous mouth organ players [.]  They play with gusto [.]  short fellow plays like one possessed – besides him sits the halfbreed from Madeira in singlet [.]  the rest of the men sit or stand in different stages of dishabille [sic: deshabille] most in singlets – The man from Madeira looks like a caged animal [.]  He smokes incessant cigarettes - No one seems to talk to or take notice of him - He goes towards the rails and a sudden movement from the right and then a cracking sound at the Madeira man - He turns round & looks glaringly [,] the men move instinctively away.  Then one young Eng [sic: English] stands & threatens to throw another missile.  The foreigner moves to another side [,] hangs on a little and goes away - I see his animal legs disappear – into main entrance - The sight hurts me and Mahtu [Mehta] is depressed [.]  Then three men appear in evening wear.  One a Jew & Mahta [Mehta] makes a [illegible] calls them business people when they start a conversation – When they leave I point out how unwise to say to that to the 1^st class passengers – He sees his mistake [,] more restless.  

[/P] A woman in shadow looks at the [illegible] below.  I wonder what she is thinking of these creatures – half man almost [,] one old fellow sits pathetically & listens to the music [.]  I wonder if he has children - & if he thinks of them sometimes.

[/P] We go back to 3 & start talking aimlessly.  The concert ends & a woman looks glaringly at me as I stand up lazily [.]  When God Save the King is played we go down to cabins.  

Mahtu [Mehta] ashamed to undress has a [illegible] around his meagre body – I ask D. N. [sic: D. Naidoo] to wake me for the equator – I go and find N in cabin - We don’t talk [,] I fall asleep.