November 1938 to early 1940, part 4

[from previous page: I walk in Notre [Dame]] as if I knew it from old – To me it’s the culmination of the progress of Xtianity [sic: Christianity] before its decline to over time [.] When the church has become nothing more than an object of interest for American sightseers.  The Stained glass windows drawing attention at once – I have never seen anything of its kind anywhere before [.] Also the attendants and caretakers here seem to be in a world apart, for them Notre Dame is their world, like Quasimodo [.]

A few women are kneeling in prayers at the different altars – I am glad that at least the French have not used church as storehouse of Tomstones [sic: tombstones] like Westminster Abbey [in London] for instance – I am nevertheless dismayed to find two war memorials – One for peace under a huge crucifix and another for the British Empire – I am shocked to read “South Africa” & to see the National Emblem of South Africa –

[/P] The wood carvings are beautiful – I am impressed with the skill and devotion which [illegible] the putting up of this structure – It is a symphony of stone and glass – it is alive as a work of art but does not fill me with any religious feelings as I was told by a lecturer in Philosophy who wanted an excuse for getting converted into Christianity –

[insertion in margin] I think if Bishop Huthi Poem & the Church oppressor of the People in the Middle Ages [,] I want to break the nose of one of the bishops. 

I see the stone and I think Brownings Bishop [probable reference to Robert Browning and his poem “The Bishop orders his tomb at Saint Praxed’s Church”, published 1845][1] … By the way Browning is horrible cheat.  The pillars and exactness of measurement must have entailed exhausting mathematical calculations –

I see the Statue of the Madonna [illegible] de Paris – I remember the remark of the American [,] She holds the baby as if she did not like it.  But I don’t see the pt [sic: point] of the remark – I didn’t think it is wonderful – A young woman stands and looks as if in meditation [.]  I wonder what she is thinking about –

Then I go to see the treasure – And I am not filled with disgust as I was at Fort Hare [reference: University of Fort Hare] at the Sunday Evening Benedictions – Here I have the impression that these are in a museum like the African masques [French: masks] in the British Museum – Most made of gold [.] The church was fabulously rich in those days [.] There is a gaping crowd of the baldheaded men & young women perhaps religious fanatics who wait for the dead church to rise again – Or curious creatures like me unaffected by any bright dreams for the revival of this monster. Or perhaps it filled a gap – gave birth to modern society but what a society – From (Coruna barefooted king before bishop to the Vatican) and yet hanging on influencing in a warped manner progress of man to the impasse of today – I feel it must go.  I go toward the door to look for a book to read on Notre Dame but find none at the bookshelf – I am struck by the notices in French & English [,] more in German & Italian [.] The Statue of our Lady at the door has the most magnificent robes I have seen [.] I go out and look at the figures in the [illegible] they are beautiful and have stood the weather wonderfully –

[/P] This Church has not filled me with the disgust I had when I left Westminster Abbey .  Where the victory of English wars throughout the world is made to live in a boisterous fashion – It took some searching to find the so called Poets Corner – I could see nothing for dominating figures of Gladiators and Disraelis [possible reference to Prime Ministers as Benjamin Disraeli held the post in 1868 and again between 1874 and 1880] – and other minor makers of the British Empire –

[in margin: small sketch]

I go back to my hotel and ask for a bath – at supper the woman apologises for delay to bath – I sleep early – read Candide [reference: Voltaire “Candide” first published 1759][2] –

[inserted in margin] I see a negro at the hotel bureau ready to leave the hotel [.] His teeth reminds me of Some one [illegible] in South Africa – the Hotel Porter asks if wants taxi monsieur on si vous plait [French: sir, if you please] If the white goes off expecting a tip – how unlike South Africa

I go to school and it is a happy morning as professors are pleased with the relief of a South Africa goldmine I made and the figures look like real work men – I have always seen life as a workman – It’s a joy to see the dignity of the Parisien worker ouvrier [French: worker] [.]  Perhaps I am [illegible] friends with the future rulers of the world, the toiling masses – Also the Greek skull gets good marks.  The fellows congratulate me I say I am glad & feel a bit reconciled to the school.  Xtian [sic: Christian Poulsen] is glad – We leave school and go to lunch [,] after lunch – I go to Pulzer & Xtian they are having tea – Pulzer shows me his latest drawings – they are wonderful and we go to Grand Chaumiere [reference to Académie de la Grand Chaumière, an art school] to draw -  On the way I tell Xtian [sic: Christian Poulsen] how different the French chdn [sic: children] are behaved to a Negro with Street In England I had children shout at me a Nigger Nigger but not so in France [,] and as I say this I have a feeling I betrayed myself for I could not guarantee what these kids are capable of doing at any moment [.] I want “to touch wood” [reference to English superstition] – We pass a flower shop & Xtian talks about the flowers I must take to this person [.] I ask him what impression the poems & pictures of negroes in European [illegible] picture books leave on the children – He says Negro things to play with etc – He remarks a poem of negro going down a street in Copenhagen in red and white trousers –

The model posing for the nude is very beautiful – I draw with enthusiasm [.] At rest interval a girl speaks to a Chinese in English and I feel restless because that is the language I associate with the British Empire and South Africa –

A new model arrives and casts a curious eye at me – I wonder why perhaps she would object [illegible] her body to niggers – and I think of how once I was brutalised by [illegible] at Krugersdorp [city in South Africa] along the little valley I charged upon them bathing and my nose so long that I thought I was dying – blood all over my new shirt [.]

I was 12 and on a Xmas [sic: Christmas] holiday to see my Aunt – I was ashamed to confess to her what had happened [.] I was [illegible] I thought she would not understand – [illegible] –

But the girl was quite free after all and she smiled now and [illegible] to her friends in the group of artists sketching.  Parted with Xtian at the Dome [.]

[/P] On the way bought a newspaper & read of Pact[3]agreed by Germany & France [:] Von Rippendorp & Bonnet [Joachim von Ribbentrop, Nazi Germany, and Georges Bonnet, Vichy France]  – Not much enthusiasm in Paris – I see a decorated trio of magazin [French: store] vans for Xmas – On the first [,] Father Xmas has a coloured child in hand – I am happy – 

[2 illegible words in margin]

I eat & go to bed – to read – Chargo arrives and tells me he will sign contract to reason for the job at the play Chatelet [probably Chatelet des Halles]